If someone had asked me a year ago, “How does a person attract true love?” I would have had no advice to give. It’s amazing how much can change in just a year. The answer to this question is both simple and complex, so I have broken it up into a few steps to initiate the process of attracting true love.

Practice Authenticity & Self-Love

There is so much power that comes with being honest about where you are and who you are. This honesty starts from within. I am a firm believer in positive affirmations, but the reality is affirmations are meaningless without the required inner work and accountability. There is something so sexy and appealing about a person who knows who they are and accepts themselves fully, even in their brokenness. 

A few years back, I went salsa dancing with my aunt and met an amazing guy. I wore blonde hair extensions that night, and like a fool, I wore those extensions every time I saw him for the next three weeks until I couldn’t stand it anymore. When I took them out, exposing my short pixie cut hair, I was terrified his desire for me would change. I set him up to believe I was someone I wasn’t. I could have easily just told him, but instead, I assumed he wanted a woman with long blonde hair.

This assumption had less to do with him and more to do with my insecurities stemming from the belief that short hair was less feminine and less desirable, and therefore I thought I was also less desirable. The point being, if we do not love or accept ourselves, then how can we be honest with anyone? How can we give them a real shot at loving us?  

Be Accountable

Accountability is a key component of vulnerability. Without it, we can never fully connect to anyone or truly evolve. The key to lasting relationships filled with meaningful experiences and positive energy is finding ways to encourage the evolution of your partner as you lead with your actions. The willingness to be vulnerable is a powerful expression of love. The ability to say, “I could be better at…, I struggle with…, Sometimes I need support with….” Remember, confidence is a wonderful thing, but there is no room for ego in the presence of true love. If an encounter calls for ego, take it as a red-flag and keep moving until you find what makes you feel the most like yourself. 

Be Open-Minded

Sometimes we have a set standard in our minds for the way our true love will show up. We have it all planned out, from hair color to height and eye color. The problem with this is physicality and spirituality are not mutually exclusive. The person I ended up with looks nothing like what I had imagined. Nor did he show up on a white horse with flowers professing my beauty. In fact, I don’t think I was his physical type at all. We found each other by accident. It was as if, at our most broken and vulnerable, we looked up and realized we were in love. Looking back on who I was before him, I realize I never fully understood what love was or at what depths it could exist. His physical beauty, although pleasing to the eye, was not what drew me to him. It was his spirit, his kindness, his willingness to listen, his constant effort to grow, and his undying support of my growth and evolution. We found true love while searching for ourselves and doing the inner work we knew was required to attract more positive experiences. 

If you find yourself struggling to find true love, self-love is the best place to start. I wrote a 30-day guide to self-love and acceptance called The Beauty of Your Strength. This book of empowering affirmations is a great place to start planting the seeds to attract the love you desire.

By Tiffany Toney